Level 20 and Out!


I had been playing the game several hours a day leveling up and once I reached level 15 a fierceness to level up seemed to overtake me.  I began thinking about WoW when I went to bed, moved through my dreams like my character did in the game and woke up thinking about the game.   Every night I quickly finished readings and chores to return to the game and level up.  I worked with zest and zeal and finally reached level 20 Warlock status!  To my surprise I have yet to return to the game.

I began pondering where the passion went to; why I was not interested in leveling up.  As I was thinking my husband asked if I wanted to go for a “leaf peeping” drive.   I asked him where to and he responded, “we’ll just drive”.    My immediate thought was, I don’t just want to drive, where we are going, what is the destination.  Then it clicked- I’m a goal oriented person!

I never realized that I like to have a destination and achieve the destination, I like a project and to complete the project, etc.    In Wow, leveling up did not give me a great sense of joy or accomplishment.  I worked to get to level 20 because that was my goal.  Once I achieved this, I felt completed and walked away.

I’ve decided, for curiosity sake, to return to the game and see what I feel now that an outside goal is not in my mind…




The graphic artist of this new book is a friend of mine from undergrad.  She always has new fresh ideas and stretches me to question further.  I hope you enjoy this interview.

Nicawa needs Wellbutrin!

This past week has been a struggle in World of Warcraft (WoW) for me.  With the help of Eric, I found out I had somehow switched my character to the wrong server and had to contemplate starting a new character to be on the right server.  So, I said a fond goodbye to my old character and created a new one and with the help of Eric I quickly moved to level 3.  I soon realized this was a completely different land than I had been playing in and wanted to be back in my comfortable Goldshire.  Since I had no attachment to this new character, I decided to again create a new character and figured I could repeat previous quests and move quickly back up to my old level 6.  This plan worked well and before I knew it, I was a level 8 Warlock with a bigger bader mignon!

As the week progressed I was bopping around WoW, finding new quests and enjoying myself.  I was playing late one night when a human form in a loin cloth began following me around.  This person began making sexual comments to my character and asking me to go out behind buildings and into the woods.  In an attempt to get away from this situation I began running through the woods.  I soon found myself in an ominous area of the world.  I was immediately attacked by a zombie like creature and died.  I resurrected in the graveyard and was immediately killed by the same creature.  This happened over and over for 30 minutes before I figured out not to fight back and run like hell for the road.  After a few more resurrections I finally made it to a village.  I was relieved thinking I could signal someone for help or find a way out of here.  However, this village was very dark in color, music and characters.  I found myself jumping up and down waving and asking any player that came through the area for help; no one stopped.

Feeling frustrated and just wanting to get out of this area of the world I started running down the road looking to get back to a place I was comfortable.  This plan didn’t work either and I soon was under attack from werewolves and the resurrection process commenced again!  Feeling frustrated I put out a call on Google+ for help.  A student offered to help but our schedules needed to sync up in order to play together.  I returned to the game and continued to die and resurrect for another hour.  I began thinking about killing off this character and starting again, but I was now a level 8 and really didn’t want to lose all I had earned in the game.  I decided to put out a call to Mike and Eric for assistance.

Mike was the first to respond and joined me in the game.  As I saw his character running down the road I was elated.  I wanted out of this area and help had finally arrived!  I showed off my major skills of knowing how to wave and soon Mike’s character, Wellbutrin, was standing next to me. As we proceeded on the journey to get out of this area of the world, werewolves began to attack.  Wellbutrin kicked their asses!!!!  I found myself cheering out loud that they were meeting their demises and I was running behind someone who could protect me.  Wellbutrin helped me back to Goldshire and I was able to resume the game and move up to a level 10 in no time.

So, this long story does have a point…

Mike raised a question as we were playing; regarding how this relates to the population we serve (not the exact words).  I was moving along well in my WoW life, when I began having some difficulties.  I found myself in an uncomfortable situation, with a sexual predator bothering me, in an area I was unfamiliar with, scary creatures attacking me and frustration building. I did not have the skills to get myself where I wanted to be.  I tried asking for help from others in the game and felt alone and isolated.  I was offered assistance from someone in class but it was hard to meet up.  I then thought of suicide as an option before I contacted Mike and Eric.  This is the exact process some of my clients have described to me.  Feeling that life was once pleasant and good before events happened that brought them to a dark place in their lives.  All they want is to get back to feeling in control and comfortable in the world.  Each time they try to help themselves, it fails.  They try so many times that a frustration and hopeless builds.  Thoughts of suicide creep in, thinking they would at least get out of this world and maybe have better luck anywhere else.  The call for help to professionals and the relief of someone saying I will help you is a direct comparison to my WoW experience.  When I saw Mike coming I wanted to hug his character and was willing to do whatever he told me to get out of this mess! Our clients feel this way too.  It humbled me to think that I may be someone’s last call, that I could be that person that joins them and helps them to find their way back to a comfortable state.

I also learned I am not as nice as I thought I was.  I always think of myself as forgiving and don’t like physical violence.  However, I wanted Wellbutrin to crush those werewolves and enjoyed when Mike said I could loot them!  I received great pleasure from this.  Eric came in with the advice to use my hearthstone and my response was “but I liked watching Wellbutrin kill those bad guys.”  I’m still digesting this and hope to post about this in the future.Image